Achieving a Happy Marriage Alongside Work and Careers

Meeting the challenge of marriage and building a lasting relationship ought to go hand in hand with fulfilling the second task, namely the right and duty to work. In addition to the obvious necessity of employment to provide the means of sustaining home and health, work has a value in itself. Especially when performed in the spirit of service, work can not only be of worth to your colleagues, but even to humanity in general. It can also be a spiritual achievement, giving the individuals involved in a partnership a sense of fulfilment that they can use to grow both as individuals and as a couple.

An important question is that of both partners having a career, particularly where children are involved. The day when the principle of equality between the sexes is completely incorporated into our social mores and put into practice in everyday life will be the day when everyone will realize that the work of the parent/home-maker is the most important job in the country. A parent who makes and maintains a loving, welcoming home is creating an environment in which the whole family can grow and flourish, to everyone's benefit. In such an egalitarian society, spiritual values will come to the fore, and 'impure motives' for having a professional occupation will hold less sway. Of course, for many couples in these days of high interest rates and a soaring cost of living, two incomes are not a luxury but a financial necessity, and both partners must have a career. This is not only a question of money or an issue of sexual equality; there are other advantages.

First of all, a working parent is not necessarily a bad parent, any more than a stay-at-home parent is necessarily a good one. The increasing professional importance and influence of women in particular can only benefit society as a whole, and society should not need to wait until a woman’s children have left home to benefit from her talents and training. The relationship between husband and wife will be enriched too, as both partners bring home the fruits of their experience and can bring them into their consultations together.

Furthermore, the stay-at-home parent may also run the risk of feeling frustrated and trapped, and compensate for this by over-protecting the children. On the other hand, we all know many stay-at-home parents who are supremely contented with their lot, and many working parents who would happily stay at home if only their financial circumstances permitted. It all boils down to finding a lifestyle that suits the whole family.

Several investigations have shown that, contrary to previous belief, separation from their mother has a positive effect on children. A mother who is always available on demand can stifle and spoil children instead of helping them to grow up. Of course, we are not talking about babies here: the mother’s presence at least part-time is almost indispensable in the first two years of life. But children whose mothers have a life outside the home become more independent, self-confident and resourceful. The old maxim, 'look after the mother if you want to look after the child' is a valid one, since all too often in a marriage the woman is expected to care for husband and children, with little concern focused on her own needs. In the long run this is not in anyone's interests.

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